Feeling the love

After hearing petri's heartbeat on Tuesday, J and I were comfortable enough to share our news with the world. I told my boss on Wednesday and a few other people at work. Everyone was really excited. Then last night I asked for some help with how to announce it on facebook and got a fantastic rhyme to post! So I announced last night and the comments and "like's" just keep pouring in. I feel so loved right now and it just reminds me that I'm so lucky to have such great people in my life. The best part is that they now get to be a part of Petri's life!

Another fun thing I did yesterday was schedule my anatomy scan. I had to get a referral to an outside place and was worried they'd book up so at my appt on Tuesday I got the form I needed to make the appointment for the anatomy scan. So the date is set... June 9th! J's birthday:) I love that I have it to look forward to and I'll know (hopefully-Petri better cooperate!) what day we'll find out if Petri's a boy or a girl:) I also love that I have a date to look forward to for when I'll get to see Petri again. I know I won't at my next OB appt (at 17 weeks). Exciting stuff:)




On a completely unrelated topic, I've noticed that I've lost a few followers. I don't know their reasons and they could just be bored with me (because lets be honest, I'm not that interesting!) but if I've said anything insensitive since I got pregnant I apologize. I know I searched out blogs of other women having trouble trying to conceive during my journey because it was a source of comfort, information, and interested me. I root(ed) for them in hopes that they would get pregnant asap! I also know that as people did get pregnant there can be that tiny sting of jealous or "when's it my turn". When I did finally get pregnant I debated on starting a new blog to document my pregnancy. I decided not to though because I plan to print out this blog once Petri is born (blog2print or a similar service). I wanted both the journey to conception and the journey to motherhood to be together since it's all our journey to meeting Petri. Anyway, I'm rambling now. I just don't want to hurt or upset anyone since my blog has turned mostly mushy and baby crazy. I still remember what it feels like to try SO hard for so long and it's absolutely affected the way I view my pregnancy now. So please... let me know if I've upset you in any way!

2nd Tri!

13 weeks today:) I'm certainly not immune from the IF fears even though I've made it far but I feel like this is quite an accomplishment. Last night I had horrible nightmares about the baby that had me wake up crying. Thankfully I have my doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon that will hopefully put my fears to rest. Biggest news for this week is that we plan to "out" ourselves after our appointment tomorrow! I'm so excited to have this not be a secret anymore and I'm so excited to not have to worry about people at work finding out. So yay for that!

I've boycotted the weekly pictures for now. I seriously feel like a fat cow right now and it's not because of the baby. I'm just so bloated and constipated (sorry for the tmi) and I think I gained like 7 pounds this past week. Seriously, it's ridiculous! I'm wearing more maternity pants now since I can't really fit in most of my normal pants. Still wearing baggier regular shirts though.

Now for the weekly survey:)
How far along? 13 weeks!

Weight gain/loss: Like I said earlier, I'm pretty sure I gained like 7lbs in the past week:( It sucks!

Maternity clothes? Tried out maternity capri's this weekend and some maternity work pants today:) Much comfier than my regular pants!

Stretch marks? Nothing new

Sleep? Still up at least 2x a night

Best moment since last update? Hmmm... having my pregnancy "blessed" by friends doing shots at a bar when the realized I couldn't;)

Food cravings: Nothing really

Genders: Not sure yet but one week closer to finding out!

Belly button in or out? In

Movement? No, I can't wait for that to start!

What I miss? Nothing really

What I'm looking forward to: My appt tomorrow and telling everyone later this week!

Milestones: 2nd Tri! and telling the world our news this week!

National Infertility Awareness Week

This week always makes me cringe because while I'm extremely open about my journey to motherhood to those I'm closest to, I'm a complete coward when it comes to letting the whole world know. Oh sure I get my moments of I'll just out myself on FB and maybe someone out there will be helped by it, but then I think about "what if I get some comment about how my baby is illegitimate because I went through IVF to conceive" from some stupid ignorant person. Right now I don't know if I could handle that. Right now I think that would crush me. I haven't heard one stupid comment about our choice to use ART to conceive a child and I pray I never do. I know there are so many women out there who have and that is part of the reason it's so hard to "come out" about it. Now, despite the fact that I've never heard a bad comment in that way, I've heard a multitude of bad advice about how to conceive. The most popular has been "JUST RELAX!" I'll come back to that later. But here's a fun list of things I've been told to try along the way.

1. Get drunk and have sex in the back of your car
2. You sure you want kids? You can take mine for a week and see if you still want them!
3. Are you sure you're doing it right?
4. Maybe it's not just you, maybe it's your DH too and they just don't know it.
5. If you just stop trying it will happen, it always does!

I could go on but those were the most common. And the most painful. And the most irritating to try to deflect. After hearing it all for a little over a year, I got very blunt in my answers and thankfully that shut most people up. The "just relax" comment never stopped and hasn't now that I'm pregnant. I still have so many fears about my pregnancy due to IF and yet I just get told I'm over-reacting and to just relax. The people that say it to me have NO idea how it feels to try everything humanly possible to have a child and no idea what emotional baggage comes along with it.

I've talked to J about outing ourselves when we make our FB announcement about Petri's impending arrival but J made a point that I can't help but agree with. I may be in the minority with this but J says "I just want to be excited and happy about Petri and don't want Petri to become the poster child for infertility. I don't want him/her to be defined by OUR experience to conceive him/her. Yes, it's a painful experience for US to endure, but I want Petri starting out as innocently as a baby should. I don't want stupid people having pre-concieved opinions about our baby because of the things WE had to go through and the choices WE made to have him/her".

So, since I won't be letting the entire world know (call me a coward if you wish), in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week I'll be busting a few myths on my blog. Check out the Resolve Website for some awesome information on Infertility as well as Infertility awareness. If you ever feel like people are just NOT getting the hint when you tell them that "just relaxing" isn't going to do a damn thing, they have Infertility etiquette guides to pass on:) Check out the website here .

So, for the first myth I'm going to bust... Myth: If you just relax, you will get pregnant.

While being as stress free as possible while trying to get pregnant is probably good for your emotional health, in many cases it will NOT all the sudden make you pregnant. Take me for instance... I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. No amount of me relaxing was all the sudden going to make the connection between my brain and ovaries all the sudden work. No amount of relaxing was going to make my hormone imbalances balance themselves and make me ovulate each month. No amount of relaxing was going to make the sperm meet the egg and fertilize. No amount of relaxing was going to make the fertilized embryo travel down my fallopian tubes and implant. So yes, try to relax for your mental health but relaxing doesn't make you pregnant. For me it took weeks of hormone injections, constant blood draws and ultrasounds, 2 outpatient surgeries and having a fertilized embryo implanted directly into my uterus. For many others, hopefully it doesn't take such drastic measures.

That's my on schpeal on the myth but here's Resolve's more eloquent response to the myth:)
Busted!: If only it were that easy! The fact is, the vast majority of individuals who have infertility have a medical reason, not a stress-related one. Upwards of 90% of all infertility cases are caused by physical problems. In the female partner, the major causes of infertility are absent or irregular ovulation, blocked fallopian tubes, abnormalities in the uterus, and endometriosis (a chronic painful condition where tissue from the lining of the uterus migrates into the pelvis and attaches to the reproductive organs). The male partner can have issues with sperm production which can lead to too few sperm, sperm which can’t swim correctly, and abnormally shaped sperm.

Where the stress/infertility connection may come in tends to be after one has been trying for a while, and the stress of not conceiving easily may then contribute to the problem. But there has never been a study which shows that simply relaxing increases pregnancy rates. Research does show that infertility patients who learn and practice a wide variety of stress reduction techniques can have higher pregnancy rates than patients who don’t learn those techniques.


So thats my soapbox for the day. I'll be back again later in the week to continue busting myths!:)

I still HATE you IF

I've been symptom free for 2 days. I haven't had many symptoms at all, mostly just nausea and yet for the past 2 days-zilch. MOST pregnant women would be counting their lucky stars for the reprieve. What do I start thinking, what if my baby isn't ok? What if on my appt on Tuesday I find out our baby has died? UGH!!! There are so many reasons that I should NOT be thinking those... like that I'm almost 13 weeks and as the 2nd trimester begins, symptoms can decrease or that just because I've been lucky enough not to be nauseous for 2 days doesn't mean that I won't be nauseous again tomorrow, or the next day. Or that my symptoms don't necessarily correlate with the health of my baby.

I thought I was steadily moving past my fears of a miscarriage but out of the blue they still creep up on me. I hate it:( Now I'm counting the hours until my appointment Tuesday afternoon.

12 Weeks!

For some reason 12 weeks seems like a huge milestone to me. I know I'm not into the 2nd tri until next week but it feels so good to see I've hit the 12 week mark:) I've decided to start the pregnancy survey I've seen other people do on their blogs from now on. Eventually I'll post a bump picture too. While I'm starting to notice a difference, it still just looks like fat and bloat so I'm not that eager to even take my weekly bump pics:( I'm so ready to have a BABY bump!

SO, on with the survey:
How far along? 12 weeks!

Weight gain/loss: Eh, I weigh myself each morning and it goes up a pound or two and then comes back down. So overall, hopefully I haven't gained much at all. I'll find out next week at my OB appt.

Maternity clothes? I tried wearing maternity capri pants the other day and they kept falling down when I was getting ready. So I took them off and just wore jeans. They fit ok but by the end of the day I was doing the hair tie around the button trick.

Stretch marks? Nothing new

Sleep? Varies, I get up a lot to pee and my cat wakes me up constantly but that's not really pregnancy related:P

Best moment since last update? Well, since it's my first update, I guess the best moment so far has been seeing Petri and hearing his/her heartbeat, and telling our families!

Food cravings: DQ blizzard! And sushi. I'd eat california rolls EVERY.SINGLE.DAY if I could

Genders: Don't know yet but can't wait to find out! I'm hoping I can schedule our anatomy scan on J's birthday in June:)

Belly button in or out? In

Movement? No, I can't wait for that to start!

What I miss? I wanted a Bloody Mary at brunch yesterday but that feeling passed as quickly as it came. As for now, not really missing anything because I'm not really giving anything "extra" up. Although... I would like to drink some sweet tea more often!

What I'm looking forward to: Next week's OB appt. I'm hoping to at least hear the HB again. Then after the appt we plan to share our news with the world:)

Milestones: I guess just making it to a week shy of the 2nd trimester?

Things I like so far for the baby:)

So I've had a long time to look into what I like for our future child. I used to look a lot when we first started trying but that slowly tapered off as the months and years went by. Well now that I'm pregnant, I'm in baby gear overdrive:P I spend A LOT of time looking stuff up and can't wait for the day when we can actually go to a store to look at stuff in person. We went to BRU and checked out the stroller we liked and saw the baby bedding we liked but otherwise we haven't reallly played with and looked at things in person. So... here's pictures of stuff I like for the baby. We need to do more research so I'm not sure how much we'll actually end up with, but at 11 1/2 weeks in, this is what I like:)

First, diaper bags. I fell in love with Petunia Picklebottom about 2 years ago and during their outlet sales I bought the Afternoon in Katmandu clutch and shoulder bag. Just have to find something J will use. He likes the Diaper Dude Messenger Bag:


Then there's nursery bedding. I had found turtle bedding I liked a long time ago and thought it was pretty gender neutral but J said he thought it was too boyish after seeing it in person. So my hunt for girl bedding is on. I don't like pinks and purples very much so I'm having a hard time but this is what I've found so far. First is the Carters Laguna bedding which we'd use for a boy and then the Glenna Jane Maya bedding for a girl. Also, for both we'll probably just use accessories and not buy the crib bedding.


I'm so excited to get our stroller. We like the City Mini in either orange or green and are pretty set that it's what we want. However, last night J was doing more research on it and looked at the City Select. I feel like I could see him falling in love! It is VERY cool and I like the possibility for expanding it so we can use it for our next kid, but it's MUCH more expensive. SO we'll see... Here they are though:)


So there's more but I have other stuff I need to get done now. I'll do another post with the other stuff later:) What do you guys think of what I've picked so far?

A fun comparison!

I've promised u/s pics forever now and I'm finally getting around to posting them tonight:) I have pictures from my 6w1d u/s, 8w1day u/s and my 10w u/s. I doubt I'll have another one until my anatomy scan so that comparison will be crazy to see too! Here's Petri!:)





There isn't too much to update. I'm still feeling good 99% of the time. Definitely feeling more hungry and have to eat something immediately or I'll feel sick but for the most part I'm fine. I crave california rolls constantly. I'd eat them all day every day if I could:P I am more and more bloated lately and J has mentioned that I'm getting "bigger" (of course in the nicest way possible:P) I'm feeling more uncomfortable with my size and have mini breakdowns because nothing fits me right anymore. I've started using a bella band but feel like it's too soon for that and that my clothes should still fit. I KNOW it's not the baby that is giving me this belly right now. J reminded me the other night that even though the baby itself isn't filling my belly, these changes are because there is a baby in my belly. That helped at the time but it's hard to remind myself of that when I'm being all hormonal:P

I've told a few more people recently and still get great reactions. I really don't know why I expected it to be any different, I guess it just makes me shocked/happy to see people be that happy for J and I. We're telling my grandparents and aunt/uncle this weekend at an early Easter celebration. I'm excited to see their reaction. They know nothing of our trouble to get pregnant and used to drive me crazy because they'd ask every time they saw me when I was going to have a baby. Now I can finally say I am!:)

My next appointment is in a little less than 2 weeks (as in a day less;P) and I'm so excited for it. I'm excited because I'm hoping I'll at least get to hear the heartbeat again (by doppler, not expecting an u/s) but also because that is our milestone for when we can share our news with the world. By then all of our close friends and family will know but I won't have to tell them to keep quiet about it and I won't have to pretend like the most exciting thing in my life isn't actually happening:P Yay! Let the countdown to freeeedom begin;)

Hello again...

I don't have much to update these days. I guess I'm used to all the treatment update blog posts and I feel like I'm seriously slacking these days. I apologize but, you're not missing much. I went to my first OB appointment on Monday. I was so nervous and excited and had written a list of about 15 questions to ask my OB when I got there. Because of a scheduling issue I ended up leaving work very early and rushing to get in for an earlier appointment so I would still get to be seen that day (they were going to reschedule my appointment since it was later in the afternoon but I was NOT missing this appointment:P) Anyway, I went in, went back and got weighed, peed in a cup and they took my blood pressure. Then I got to sit in a room and wait. And wait some more. FINALLY my doctor came in! It was actually my doctor too (the one I see for all my gyn appts). I had originally scheduled the appt for a doctor that was available that day since mine wasn't but my doctor was on call and saw my name on the list of patients. He knew I was more than likely going to do IVF so he wanted to see me and congratulate me so he did the appointment instead. It was awesome. He came in with a big smile and was so so happy for me:) We talked for a bit and of course I forgot that list of questions I made so the talking part was much shorter. Then he said lets get to the fun part! He did an u/s!

Petri has grown so much in 2 weeks! It's crazy to see him/her every 2 weeks because s/he's grown so much! It was awesome though and petri's starting to look more like a baby and less like a blob. I also got to hear the heartbeat for the first time which was amazing. I got a bunch of pictures to take home to show J since he didn't come to the appt (wasn't sure what to expect so he wasn't planning to come and since I went about 5 hours earlier than planned, he wouldn't have been able to make it anyway).

After I got dressed I went out thinking the appt was over but no, they had to draw blood. I signed a paper and it said what the were testing my blood for, and it's all things I've been tested for at my RE's office. It's annoying but I'm so used to rolling up my sleeves to give blood that they may as well hook up a central line:P

All in all a great appointment. My next one is in 3 weeks (supposed to be 4 but they didn't have anything available then). As long as everything looks good at that appointment we'll be letting the last of our friends and family know and then "coming out" on facebook:)

Today I got a call that said my urine culture from monday came back positive for a UTI. I was shocked because as far as I know, I'm not feeling any symptoms. They called in a prescription for an antibiotic so I'll take that for a week and hopefully be "cured";)

Symptom wise I'm generally fine. I usually wake up nauseous most mornings but after I eat something I'm ok. I've been gagging a lot more but it's really not bad. My worst symptom right now is bloat. It had gone away a few weeks into my pregnancy but now it's back with a vengeance. It's so bad it hurts:( I'm hoping this will pass soon. But, I have an idea of what I'll look like at 5 months pregnant if I just gain in my belly:P

I promise promise promise to upload u/s pics soon...just not tonight! tooo tired!