Never thought we'd end up here

This last cycle was a big fat NEGATIVO. Meaning that despite having 4-5 follies released and over 30 million spermies trying to meet the egg, my fvcking body can't get its act together enough to have even 1 fertilize/implant. RAFREAKINGDICULOUS.

Thankfully we have IVF to fall back on. I was very excited about it but right now I'm pissed off. If you asked me last year when we first met with the RE if we'd be here I thought there was no chance. I remember thinking, well good... I can just take this pill and that will get me pregnant (clomid). I remember being so excited that I'd be pregnant this year (2010). I was so naive and so stupid.

I stupidly looked up my phantom due date each month and fantasized about when to tell my family the great news. I stupidly thought it would work "this time" because the dosage was changed, or the sperm count was better, or I had more follicles... or ??? I stupidly talked about it constantly in the beginning because it was all so new and so hopeful. I stupidly picked out baby names and bought diaper bags because we'd need all that stuff soon anyway right?

So STUPID. Now we're doing IVF. Last stop. Last chance (x4). I'm putting everything I have into it and I hope I don't come out of it with another post like this.

We don't start until January because that's when the insurance kicks over but I will start birth control in December. Our odds of it working are 50%. Way better than the measly 12-20% chance of each IUI. I'm "lucky" in that I've done IUI's with injectibles before because I know what to expect for IVF. It's a few more meds and one intramuscular shot. I can handle that. The egg retrieval surgery is outpatient and I was told I could likely go back to work the next day (we'll see). Then depending on the quality of the embryo's we'll transfer either 1 or 2 back (likely 1). Piece of cake right? Yeah... so STUPID I bet:(

I'm so hopeful and yet so scared that we'll find out that something else is wrong with me which is what's been preventing me from getting pregnant all this time. But, for now, I'm going to enjoy my med freeish next month. I will still be taking , prenatal vitamins, Metformin and the BCP's once they start but otherwise, I'm med free. No shots, no bloodwork, no ultrasounds! If I had the option I'd jump right into the IVF cycle now but since I don't have that option, I'm going to enjoy the perks of not worrying about it all.

8dpo

I have 2 posts that I want to do but I feel like crap today so I'm going to hold off on them. I'm 8dpo today and don't really have any symptoms other than the fact that I'm nauseous all.the.time the past 2 days. I know it could be some kind of bug or the progesterone so I doubt it has to do with anything pregnancy wise, it just sucks:( I don't know when I'm going to test yet. We'll be with J's family all weekend so I don't know if I want to test this weekend. Either way, I don't want to have to hide how I'm feeling around them. I will probably wait until Monday to test but part of me thinks if I waited that long, why not just wait till my beta on Tuesday. So... I don't know yet:P

We had our IVF consult with the doctor on Monday (1 of the other posts I'll do) and he *knocked on wood* hoping we just got pregnant with 1 this cycle. I probably released at least 3 eggs so he's concerned, especially since J's numbers were so good. We'll see. I just hope it works this time!!

Fingers crossed...

Gold Star!

I had my 6th and final IUI this morning. I triggered 2 nights ago. That morning I had lots of follies. On the right side I had one at 18.4, one at 17.0, one at 16.9, and one at 15.0. On the left I had one at 16.8 and 14.9 and 13.2. I think I'll have 3 maybe 4 mature follies... hopefully. I don't want multiples but I want as many targets as possible:P J's sample was AWESOME this morning. He had 36 mil total sperm with 86% motility:) That's his best sample yet! The nurse and doctor were impressed and the nurse suggested putting a gold star on the printout of the sperm wash stats:P

I'm really happy today and have a lot of hope for this cycle. My beta is on the 23rd and I know it's going to be a long 2 weeks. I just pray that this works and I pray that the threat of IVF has made my body get its act together:P

Fingers crossed!!!!

Almost trigger time!

So I'm about midway through my cycle for IUI #6. The baseline showed no cysts (yay!) and I went in this morning for my second follie check. As of this morning I have a 17, 2 16's, 15, 14, and 11. I was told not to take any medicine tonight and then go back in the morning. I have a feeling I'll trigger tomorrow night but I'm not 100% sure. They just better not cancel the cycle:P I'm a little worried about my estrogen level. It's low again... 172. Hoping it will jump up as the follie's reach maturity so we'll see. Finger's crossed that things look good tomorrow!

On another exciting note, J finally got his benefits info for next year:) The medical plan that includes up to 4 IVF attempts is still an option so we'll be signing up for it this week! That means that if this cycle doesn't work, we can definitely do IVF in January:) I feel so much better having that to fall back on. It also looks like the coverage for when we actually have a baby is pretty good too. OB prenatal care appts are $25 for the first visit and fully covered after that. Then the hospital stay will cost $125... thats it! After the baby is born, all the well baby visits and immunizations are fully covered! I'm so thankful that J has a job with such good insurance coverage. I know we're very blessed!

Guess that's it for now. Next time I update I'll probably be in the 2ww!:) (My last one of 2010... and hopefully for many years (until we want to try for #2:P).