15 weeks!

My baby is now peeing in me over and over and over. WEIRD. On mother's day I told my brothers this fun fact and of course they said...ew! I hope its not pooping in you too! So I informed them that no, the baby isn't pooping in me and hopefully won't cause that causes major complications:P

I'll start posting belly pictures next week:)

Survey time!
How far along? 15 weeks!

Weight gain/loss: Probably up a couple of pounds but I'm not sure. Just hoping not too much

Maternity clothes? Definitely yes for pants, no shirts yet. I bought a few larger shirts that are flowy to get me through this awkward "fat" looking stage

Stretch marks? Nothing new

Sleep? Generally ok

Best moment since last update? Celebrating mother's day weekend and getting lots of cards and even some gifts!

Food cravings: None

Genders: Only a month till we find out!

Belly button in or out? In

Movement? None but I'm getting excited and hoping I can start feeling flutters soon

What I miss? Fitting in my clothes

What I'm looking forward to: Wee Cycle consignment shop on Thursday night and Maternity tour next week!

Milestones: My baby can pee!

Mother's Day- A comparison

This mother's day was/is exponentially better and easier for me than last year's mother's day. Last year I hosted a mother's day cookout at my house. It was my mom and her husband, my aunt and uncle, and my cousin and his pregnant wife. Don't get me wrong, I love these people and I was happy to spend the day with them. But I spent much of the day listening to stories of pregnancies and baby showers and all things baby related. It was ridiculously hard for me to keep a happy face on while inside I was crying about the fact that we'd been trying for over a year and started treatments and still weren't pregnant. It sucked and I still feel bad because I know my mom could tell I was upset. I didn't want her to worry about me since it was her day but it sucked.

This year is so much different. I hosted brunch for my mom and her husband and my brother this year. There wasn't a ton of baby talk (which is fine) but I wasn't sad or dreading the day. I've been getting Mother's day cards for a week now (my sister sent one almost a month ago cause she couldn't wait:)) and I've gotten phone calls and I even got a mother's day gift from my mom. I'm so thankful and happy that this mother's day was so much different. I can't even imagine what I'd be like today if I still wasn't pregnant.

I know there are many women out there that dread this day and this day only brings them more pain and suffering. And for that, I'm so sorry. I know the pain and I just wish that it didn't have to exist. I wish that all women who want to be mothers could be and didn't have to endure months of pills, shots, procedures, dildo cams, etc. While this day has been a good day for me, I'm still keeping all the women that are still trying to get pregnant in my thoughts and prayers.

14 Weeks!

Petri is the size of a lemon this week. I can't believe I'm 14 weeks already. I LOVE it. I'm getting a bump, though I keep insisting it's mostly just flab. I wore an empire waist shirt today (not maternity) and definitely looked like I was showing. I've been given TONS of maternity clothes and even some pretty good baby stuff! Today my coworker gave me her bundle me and moby wrap. This weekend my SIL gave me tons of stuff. Some I'll use, some I won't but it's nice to have the option:)

My neice was so cute this weekend. She kept telling my SIL that she couldn't wait to see the baby when we came to visit. My SIL explained to her that she would only get to see my belly since the baby wouldn't be around until Halloween. My niece just looked at her and said EW (she didn't want to look at my belly)! Then this weekend I explained to her that she wouldn't be able to see the baby for a while because it was still "cooking". Well the rest of the weekend she kept explaining how the baby wouldn't be done "tookin" until "Hawowween" ADORABLE! (She's almost 3)

Anyway... on with the survey!
How far along? 14 weeks!

Weight gain/loss: I was only up a pound in 3 weeks at my last appt. I'm probably around the same now, or at least I hope!

Maternity clothes? Definitely yes for pants, no shirts yet.

Stretch marks? Nothing new

Sleep? Usually only up once a night to pee but its been as bad as 4x in one night!

Best moment since last update? Getting to hear the hb again at last week's appointment. Also "outing" myself at work and on FB

Food cravings: Nothing really

Genders: Don't know but our anatomy scan is scheduled for June 9th (J's birthday)! I can't wait:)

Belly button in or out? In

Movement? None:(

What I miss? Nothing that I can think of right now

What I'm looking forward to: Showing more, feeling movement, my next appointments

Milestones: Not sure

Feeling the love

After hearing petri's heartbeat on Tuesday, J and I were comfortable enough to share our news with the world. I told my boss on Wednesday and a few other people at work. Everyone was really excited. Then last night I asked for some help with how to announce it on facebook and got a fantastic rhyme to post! So I announced last night and the comments and "like's" just keep pouring in. I feel so loved right now and it just reminds me that I'm so lucky to have such great people in my life. The best part is that they now get to be a part of Petri's life!

Another fun thing I did yesterday was schedule my anatomy scan. I had to get a referral to an outside place and was worried they'd book up so at my appt on Tuesday I got the form I needed to make the appointment for the anatomy scan. So the date is set... June 9th! J's birthday:) I love that I have it to look forward to and I'll know (hopefully-Petri better cooperate!) what day we'll find out if Petri's a boy or a girl:) I also love that I have a date to look forward to for when I'll get to see Petri again. I know I won't at my next OB appt (at 17 weeks). Exciting stuff:)




On a completely unrelated topic, I've noticed that I've lost a few followers. I don't know their reasons and they could just be bored with me (because lets be honest, I'm not that interesting!) but if I've said anything insensitive since I got pregnant I apologize. I know I searched out blogs of other women having trouble trying to conceive during my journey because it was a source of comfort, information, and interested me. I root(ed) for them in hopes that they would get pregnant asap! I also know that as people did get pregnant there can be that tiny sting of jealous or "when's it my turn". When I did finally get pregnant I debated on starting a new blog to document my pregnancy. I decided not to though because I plan to print out this blog once Petri is born (blog2print or a similar service). I wanted both the journey to conception and the journey to motherhood to be together since it's all our journey to meeting Petri. Anyway, I'm rambling now. I just don't want to hurt or upset anyone since my blog has turned mostly mushy and baby crazy. I still remember what it feels like to try SO hard for so long and it's absolutely affected the way I view my pregnancy now. So please... let me know if I've upset you in any way!

2nd Tri!

13 weeks today:) I'm certainly not immune from the IF fears even though I've made it far but I feel like this is quite an accomplishment. Last night I had horrible nightmares about the baby that had me wake up crying. Thankfully I have my doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon that will hopefully put my fears to rest. Biggest news for this week is that we plan to "out" ourselves after our appointment tomorrow! I'm so excited to have this not be a secret anymore and I'm so excited to not have to worry about people at work finding out. So yay for that!

I've boycotted the weekly pictures for now. I seriously feel like a fat cow right now and it's not because of the baby. I'm just so bloated and constipated (sorry for the tmi) and I think I gained like 7 pounds this past week. Seriously, it's ridiculous! I'm wearing more maternity pants now since I can't really fit in most of my normal pants. Still wearing baggier regular shirts though.

Now for the weekly survey:)
How far along? 13 weeks!

Weight gain/loss: Like I said earlier, I'm pretty sure I gained like 7lbs in the past week:( It sucks!

Maternity clothes? Tried out maternity capri's this weekend and some maternity work pants today:) Much comfier than my regular pants!

Stretch marks? Nothing new

Sleep? Still up at least 2x a night

Best moment since last update? Hmmm... having my pregnancy "blessed" by friends doing shots at a bar when the realized I couldn't;)

Food cravings: Nothing really

Genders: Not sure yet but one week closer to finding out!

Belly button in or out? In

Movement? No, I can't wait for that to start!

What I miss? Nothing really

What I'm looking forward to: My appt tomorrow and telling everyone later this week!

Milestones: 2nd Tri! and telling the world our news this week!

National Infertility Awareness Week

This week always makes me cringe because while I'm extremely open about my journey to motherhood to those I'm closest to, I'm a complete coward when it comes to letting the whole world know. Oh sure I get my moments of I'll just out myself on FB and maybe someone out there will be helped by it, but then I think about "what if I get some comment about how my baby is illegitimate because I went through IVF to conceive" from some stupid ignorant person. Right now I don't know if I could handle that. Right now I think that would crush me. I haven't heard one stupid comment about our choice to use ART to conceive a child and I pray I never do. I know there are so many women out there who have and that is part of the reason it's so hard to "come out" about it. Now, despite the fact that I've never heard a bad comment in that way, I've heard a multitude of bad advice about how to conceive. The most popular has been "JUST RELAX!" I'll come back to that later. But here's a fun list of things I've been told to try along the way.

1. Get drunk and have sex in the back of your car
2. You sure you want kids? You can take mine for a week and see if you still want them!
3. Are you sure you're doing it right?
4. Maybe it's not just you, maybe it's your DH too and they just don't know it.
5. If you just stop trying it will happen, it always does!

I could go on but those were the most common. And the most painful. And the most irritating to try to deflect. After hearing it all for a little over a year, I got very blunt in my answers and thankfully that shut most people up. The "just relax" comment never stopped and hasn't now that I'm pregnant. I still have so many fears about my pregnancy due to IF and yet I just get told I'm over-reacting and to just relax. The people that say it to me have NO idea how it feels to try everything humanly possible to have a child and no idea what emotional baggage comes along with it.

I've talked to J about outing ourselves when we make our FB announcement about Petri's impending arrival but J made a point that I can't help but agree with. I may be in the minority with this but J says "I just want to be excited and happy about Petri and don't want Petri to become the poster child for infertility. I don't want him/her to be defined by OUR experience to conceive him/her. Yes, it's a painful experience for US to endure, but I want Petri starting out as innocently as a baby should. I don't want stupid people having pre-concieved opinions about our baby because of the things WE had to go through and the choices WE made to have him/her".

So, since I won't be letting the entire world know (call me a coward if you wish), in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week I'll be busting a few myths on my blog. Check out the Resolve Website for some awesome information on Infertility as well as Infertility awareness. If you ever feel like people are just NOT getting the hint when you tell them that "just relaxing" isn't going to do a damn thing, they have Infertility etiquette guides to pass on:) Check out the website here .

So, for the first myth I'm going to bust... Myth: If you just relax, you will get pregnant.

While being as stress free as possible while trying to get pregnant is probably good for your emotional health, in many cases it will NOT all the sudden make you pregnant. Take me for instance... I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. No amount of me relaxing was all the sudden going to make the connection between my brain and ovaries all the sudden work. No amount of relaxing was going to make my hormone imbalances balance themselves and make me ovulate each month. No amount of relaxing was going to make the sperm meet the egg and fertilize. No amount of relaxing was going to make the fertilized embryo travel down my fallopian tubes and implant. So yes, try to relax for your mental health but relaxing doesn't make you pregnant. For me it took weeks of hormone injections, constant blood draws and ultrasounds, 2 outpatient surgeries and having a fertilized embryo implanted directly into my uterus. For many others, hopefully it doesn't take such drastic measures.

That's my on schpeal on the myth but here's Resolve's more eloquent response to the myth:)
Busted!: If only it were that easy! The fact is, the vast majority of individuals who have infertility have a medical reason, not a stress-related one. Upwards of 90% of all infertility cases are caused by physical problems. In the female partner, the major causes of infertility are absent or irregular ovulation, blocked fallopian tubes, abnormalities in the uterus, and endometriosis (a chronic painful condition where tissue from the lining of the uterus migrates into the pelvis and attaches to the reproductive organs). The male partner can have issues with sperm production which can lead to too few sperm, sperm which can’t swim correctly, and abnormally shaped sperm.

Where the stress/infertility connection may come in tends to be after one has been trying for a while, and the stress of not conceiving easily may then contribute to the problem. But there has never been a study which shows that simply relaxing increases pregnancy rates. Research does show that infertility patients who learn and practice a wide variety of stress reduction techniques can have higher pregnancy rates than patients who don’t learn those techniques.


So thats my soapbox for the day. I'll be back again later in the week to continue busting myths!:)

I still HATE you IF

I've been symptom free for 2 days. I haven't had many symptoms at all, mostly just nausea and yet for the past 2 days-zilch. MOST pregnant women would be counting their lucky stars for the reprieve. What do I start thinking, what if my baby isn't ok? What if on my appt on Tuesday I find out our baby has died? UGH!!! There are so many reasons that I should NOT be thinking those... like that I'm almost 13 weeks and as the 2nd trimester begins, symptoms can decrease or that just because I've been lucky enough not to be nauseous for 2 days doesn't mean that I won't be nauseous again tomorrow, or the next day. Or that my symptoms don't necessarily correlate with the health of my baby.

I thought I was steadily moving past my fears of a miscarriage but out of the blue they still creep up on me. I hate it:( Now I'm counting the hours until my appointment Tuesday afternoon.