Hope these follies are growing!

Day 3 b/w and u/s looked good so I was allowed to start this cycle! The stupid cyst is still hanging out but every u/s I do it gets smaller and smaller. I started 50mg clomid that night and took it until CD 7. On CD9 I had my first monitoring appt of the cycle. I fully expected to have at least one mature follicle and be told to trigger and then come back for the IUI a couple days later. That's what's happened every other cycle I've done with the RE so far (minus the IUI part). Well, that's not what happened. Not too much is going on in that lovely ute of mine. The u/s tech said I had a bunch of follies under 10mm starting to grow and that it's probably just too early in the cycle so I'll have to go back for more monitoring. So now I'm going in tomorrow morning for my 2nd appt. I don't expect anything to be mature yet since follie's generally grow 1-2mm a day (less than 10mm plus 4mm at the most= 14 at the most??). I just hope to see something around that size tomorrow. If they haven't grown much since wednesday I'm going to be pretty bummed. My RE has talked about adding Bravelle injections if needed so we'll see if I need them.

I've been reading a lot of TTTC blogs lately and checked a book out from the library about infertility. I have my sad days but having the support from the ladies on the bump and reading about other people's experiences has really helped me. It's crazy how connected you can feel to people you've never met. When the ladies on the bump get their BFP's or have good news I get so excited! It seriously makes my day when I hear good news from one of the ladies on there and I LOVE the 3T graduates posts! When there are BFN's or surgeries or cancelled cycles etc, I get so upset. I love that I have a place to ask questions, voice my frustrations, and vent my irrational thoughts:P I can talk to J about everything, and I try to, but he doesn't experience this the same way I do and I think I scare him with how upset I get at times. TTC is what I think about 99% of the time and I know that's not true for him. I know that's probably true for most Bump ladies though.

I think this blog has become more of a place for me to track my treatments. I want it to be more so I may post about things not related to TTC as well. I am debating on sharing this blog with people IRL. I'm so lucky to have an amazing family and group of friends who support me through this whole process but I don't share how much this effects emotionally me very often. I usually keep it treatment focused and just explain the medicine and procedures I'll be doing. If I even start to discuss how I'm doing emotionally I know I'll break down. I'm holding back tears just writing this. I try to be strong and accept the "it will happen" and "it will be your time soon" comments but every time I hear that I want to cry right then. Every time I get a BFN I try to be strong when I tell people and just say maybe next time but what most people don't know how devastating it is to me each time I see that stark white pee stick. I know I will have a baby, what I don't know is how long it will take to have one and that part scares me. I'm 14 months into this (which compared to many is a short journey) but I can't imagine going through this for another 6 months, or year, or ...

Ok... one that that makes me happy is to look at nursery ideas. I've done it for as long as I can remember and its still one of the few things I can do without getting upset that I don't have a baby of my own yet. A couple months ago I found some nursery bedding that I LOVE. It's pretty unisex (I think) which is what I want so we can reuse it with kid #2 and it's just so stinkin cute:)
J collected turtles for a while and still loves them so this works out perfectly:) So... here it is:)