IUI #2 - BUST

I had my beta yesterday and as I expected it came back negative. I knew it would and it was only more obvious by the negative tests all weekend. J held out hope and that was the worst part. I had come to terms with yet another cycle failing but he was so hopeful and I feel like I'm letting him down now. I think I handled the news quite well, only cried a few times on my way home and when I saw J. I just don't get why this has to be so hard. Everything was "right" this last cycle so what went wrong?? I've scheduled a WTF appt with my RE for mid August. I'd like to do it sooner but that's his first available appt. In the meantime we're moving onto IUI #3. It's my first just injectibles cycle so we'll see how it goes. I'll be taking Bravelle and going in for more monitoring (though its impossible to do MORE monitoring than I did last cycle). I just hope this cycle is shorter. When it's all said and done this cycle will have been around 40 days... which seems like an eternity.

I'm kind of scared that on my CD3 ultrasound it's going to show a cyst. I've had a twinge on my left side ever since the IUI and I thought it was a good sign but now that the beta is negative, I'm worried it's a cyst. That would be my luck. Finger's crossed that it's nothing and that AF shows up sooner than later. I'd like to get the show on the road!

I think the reason I handled this news so well is that I'm becoming so numb and bitter. Why would it work this time as opposed to the other times we've tried in the past year?? I worry that in the WTF appt my RE is going to suggest moving onto IVF. While I like the odds (60% chance of pregnancy vs. 12% chance with IUI) the cost is astronomical and it's still not a guarantee. I'm not giving up. I WILL have a baby of my own. I just pray that it's before I turn 30. J said 2 years ago that he wanted a "May- be" (may baby) so maybe this cycle will be the one... #3 is also my lucky number and we're on IUI#3. Fingers crossed that this is it!